DAVID F. HOENIGMAN

David F. Hoenigman lives in Yokohama, Japan. He has been puglished in internetfiction and zygote in my coffee. The novel is entitled Burn Your Belongings and it will be released in it's entirety by Six Gallery Press in 2006.

--------

RANDOMLY SELECTED PAGES
from BURN YOUR BELONGINGS

I dreamt she was here. that I woke up in her arms. the sheets smell like her. everything's changed. everything's calm. someday something will be awakened in him. thus far he has lived a cowardly life. if I understood I'd take the blame for it. I had such hope. it stripped everything of it's meaning. made it worthless. I had only to stay alive and wait. gather the scraps that'd been left behind. I've decided this. I must have. who else would have. who wanted this for me. he's so unkind to himself. looks dreadful in the morning. watches others run up and down the steps. do they feel they have control. do they know that what they want will come to them. are they certain of it. I can function despite the dizziness. I arrive before her. I watch from the window as she crosses the street towards our building. she has a different umbrella. I follow him. his breath is strong. I can smell it even from behind. he feels sweat trickling down his spine as he passes the shop windows. he considers reverting to a state that formerly brought happiness. if I turn here. if I let them curse me. where these sudden desires for freedom usually lead. but it ends. and nothing's solved. I'm still in this skin. I still have this responsibility. he's killing the flowers. he's letting the vegetables grow rotten. I look at him closely. is he really a threat to me. he took her from right under my nose. I still haven't learned. it's too late. it's digesting in his intestines. he pats me on the shoulder sympathetically. what they always hide behind. that there are circumstances which make loyalty obsolete. we shouldn't trouble ourselves. we shouldn't pretend that who we were hasn't died. do I unearth them. do I stare until I see faces. things they were afraid to tell me. things that unfold in his mind still today just as clearly as when they'd happened. this isn't fair. we shouldn't allow him to walk away. he's said it. he's done it. we should brand it into his skin. (pg. 40)

Has it lost it's effect on me. the rhythm of her voice. all she had to say already burned in my mind. those responsible. eggs that are hatching. he got what he deserved. I shouldn't say it but she knows as well as I do. we're so different. afraid of our own things. search in vain for similarities. even someone with the same umbrella. must be the only one in the world. what is it exactly. the extent to which others are stubborn. in my confusion. in my weakened condition. does it matter that I don't enjoy this. that lately I haven't enjoyed anything. in this I'll always be alone. I tried. in a dream I stood on the bank of a river as a stampede of demons crossed from the other side towards me. the water up to their necks. their horns in danger of interlocking. I apologize to anyone who loves me enough to have come this far. I hope they're all buried safely. partially my betrayers. those whom I loved. whom I feared. I need someone to agree. I don't include her. we're one in the same. I broke it over my knee. I want out. I want my soul back. the annoying sun came up. will she answer. will she let it end like this. he's changed his appearance but he's otherwise the same. has someone with him. her and I'd been fighting. I dragged her into this. when I'm at my worst. took two of them to carry me. when it rises to the surface. she won't eat the hospital food. it looks terrible. I'm waiting on a bench outside. I'm getting on her nerves. this keeps them away. everyone hates a coward. why everyone's so dull. progressing nicely. minor things. forgetfulness. gluttony. anyone with a shred of dignity is an enemy of mankind. their attention to detail. I want to stop. I never want to do anything again. what excuse do I have. pieces missing. that he'd noticed me. her name was my little secret. I'm the only one in the world. how I usually first discover things. I catch glimpses here and there. give them life. nurture them. waited on him hand and foot. got hopelessly lost within. (pg. 130)

His troubles. these secrets. spill out all the contents. if he doesn't exist. if I'm addressing a black hole. beginning with the least significant. I'm not seen and my thoughts hop the fence. he's in my way. a slip of paper she'd forced into my hand. a string of numbers. the same as yesterday. I thought they'd crawl away. we arrive here each morning at around the same time. no one's blown to bits or driven mad by their dreams. no one's refused to get out of bed. I place something heavy in front of the door. when it's opened there'll be a crash. I'll have time to collect myself. it's obvious. might as well be under their noses. she has it easy I thought. washing my hands. if someone would've told me on what kind of ground I stood. why it felt like I was sinking. he's built his own prison cell. watches others through the bars. his purpose was to drive me away. to prod me towards this fate. she sliced open the box with a knife. gasped when she saw that half the items inside had been smashed to pieces. it wasn't worth the effort. with what little patience I have. I'd like to go to them. tell them everything. somehow they're silent. captive. until I'm emptied. nothing to dart back and forth across my mind. then walk away unburdened. whenever the urge grabs me. but less and less. surprisingly true. who'll identify the body. anything they want to say. a puff of smoke. it's a sickness. there are ways it can be done. after which. what I'd never relinquish. I'd stand next to the giant marble feet. let my heart soar. their resentment's gathering above me like storm clouds. she fell for him. a suspiciously long time answering the door. a darkness we've let grow in us. I came and went as I pleased. not the only innocent. some of blinding white. warm. inspiring. a simple thought. what's rusting. when it's at it's worse. when the playfulness dissolves. I've seen him here before. bouncing children on his knee. a lack of pride that's threatening. too similar to my own. (pg. 171)