BERYL DOV LEW

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THE CITY NEVER SLEEPS

Just moved into my fifth-floor studio walk-up,
the crown 'A' jewel of Alphabet City --
a steal at $1700/mo. plus utilities.
Those gay guys above me are paying $2000
for the same apartment. What shmucks!
What's that! If I ever catch that s.o.b. slippin'
another fucking Chen's Chinese take-out menu
under my door I break his fucking head.
It's 3 a.m. I'm beat. I'm gonna' hit the futon.
Good night...zzz#kkkr+*$@!
I can't sleep. Who the fuck moves furniture at 3
a.m.?
That's it! I'm banging my shoe on the ceiling:
"Who. the. fuck. moves. furniture. at 3. a.m.!"
Faggots.
I need some pussy. Let me get out 'ye olde black
book'.
Let's see...Uh, hates me, despises me, wishes I were
dead.
Aha! Sophie. Dialing my cell -- free nights &
weekends.
"Sophie -- guess who's my choice!"
"Who. the. fuck. calls. people. who. have. to. get.
up. in the. morning.
at. 3. a.m.!"
Click!
Probably having her period. Let's see what's on the
tube.
Abdominator. Been there - still fat. Penis X-tendor.
Done that - still
waiting for my refund.
Tempurpedic Mattress -- for the perfect nights
sleep. Perfect. Dialing.
"Hi. I'd like to order my tempurpedic mattress with
the 30 day free
trial."
Computer voice: "Please. call. back. at. 8. a. m. to
8 p. m. Eastern.
Standard. Time."
Click!
What's the matter. Can't they find Pakastanis to
work the night shift.
I'm hungry.
Dialing. "Hello Chen's. Can I get a pint of chicken
and broccoli, an egg
roll and a diet Pepsi."
"Who. fuck. call. restaurant. 3. a.m.!"
Click.
The city that never sleeps my ass. I'm fucking
moving to Vegas.