the muse apprentice guild
--expanding the canon into the 21st century


--Compiled by Carol Bergé & Clarke Fountain & Lydia Rediske

(for Nick Piombino)

People find an ideology that matches their persona; then
they use the ideology to justify the persona.
--John Lang

ACADEMICS: The system, tradition and infighting are wonderful; deconstructivism is frightfully interesting.
ANARCHISTS: Nothing as it is, is wonderful, or, violence and overthrow are wonderful.
MOLECULAR BIOLOGISTS: minutiae are wonderful, and so are proofs.
CHAOS THEORY SCIENTISTS: Finding patterns before other people spot them is where it's at.
MEDICAL DOCTORS: Any chemical that affords a high profit is wonderful, especially if it's discovered to harm a lot of people after it's had years of use.
CONTEMPORARY ECONOMICS: When you're fishing, nothing beats catching fish.
UTOPIANS: We don't know any, are they still making them?
CONTEMPORARY JUNGIAN NEW AGE PSYCHOTHERAPY: It's wonderful to learn that you're an asshole because your father was mean to you, but you're still an asshole.
THE BEATS: Sex, acid, pot, jazz, concealed egotism and not working at jobs were wonderful.
NEW YORK SCHOOL POETS: My friends and my everyday life are wonderful and worth immortalizing.
BLACK MOUNTAIN POETS: Anything Japanese is great. But there are no Japanese Black Mountain Poets. Not even one.
JEWISH POETS: Anything Jewish is wonderful, including Zen Judaism.
AUSTRALIAN POETS: If it's not from Australia, it's great.
ST. JOHN'S GRADUATES: It is wonderful to make esoteric literary references to fellow Johnnies while waiting tables.
AMERICAN TIBETAN BUDDHISTS: My old religion and my past are in no way wonderful. Also, suddenly heads of lineage called "His Holiness" are in oversupply and getting in each others' way.
REAL SUFIS: I am not a Sufi. FAKE SUFIS: I am a Sufi and I love Sufism.
EST GRADUATES: I got it and I'm wonderful.
BORN-AGAIN CHRISTIANS: Jesus, save me from them.
ASTROLOGY: Fits between Christians and Jews; makes prayer beads unnecessary. You could say about it that "The Scottish Verdict" applies: not proven. Con-men and standup comedians practice their routines among the easily impressed.
JEWISH CONVERTS: Think that speed davening is wonderful, but it's like a white man break-dancing.
HEALTH FOOD MANIACS: If it's tasty, it can't be wonderful. If it's traditional, it's suspect. If it's good for you, plus expensive, and tastes awful, it has to be wonderful.
SANTA FE: Is where to come for your overpriced, over-the-sofa-sized paintings, or kitschy scenes of buffalo skulls or adobe walls at sunset in the snow, done by former magazine illustrators. Has no wonderful art, never has had. No avant-garde art either. Nothing produced as Native American art is.
AGNES MARTIN: Graph paper is not wonderful minimalist art, it's graph paper.